


No Canon, No Rules

by Circe_the_Hex_Witch



Category: FLCL
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Dubious Consent, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29895486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Circe_the_Hex_Witch/pseuds/Circe_the_Hex_Witch
Summary: In a fanfic, you can do whatever you want, and Haruko intends to take full advantage! X-rated! Weird kinks! Anything goes! That's the plan, anyway. Wait, this fic isn't even X-rated! Ah, shoot, doesn't look like her plan is gonna work out...
Relationships: Haruhara Haruko/Nandaba Naota
Kudos: 3





	No Canon, No Rules

Haruko leans over the edge of the top bunk. "Oy, Naota."

Silence.

"Na-o-ta!" she shouts.

"I'm trying to sleep." he mutters, hiding his head under his blanket as he tries to ignore her.

Haruko hops off the edge and swings down into the bottom bunk, landing with a soft thud on Naota's chest. Naota wheezes and tries to pull himself out from under her. "What are you -- "

She leans her face down, almost touching his, and he stops short. She grins amorously. "This is a rare opportunity, Naota. We're in a fanfic."

He stares, a blush blooming across his cheeks, her words not quite reaching all the way into his brain as he looks into her eyes, so close to his. "A...a what?"

She stretches and settles on top of him like a very large cat, her cheek rubbing up and down against his. "Don't you understand, Naota? Unofficial, non-canonical, all the rules taken out! Naota, haven't you read any fanfic before? All they wanna write about is characters ******** ** and *** *** with **** **** ***"

Naota squirms, struggling between simultaneous urges to push her away and just let her do what she wants. Finally he gives up and settles for regarding her with an affronted glare, his face still glowing. "I didn't understand what any of those words meant."

"What I _mean_ is, don't you wanna do it? You know, the birds and the bees, you take out your bat and swing, and see what'cha hit! It's definitely _that_ kind of fanfic, Naota. I can just feel it!" She traces a fingertip in a circle against his other cheek, clinging possessively against his body. "I can feel it rising, Naota. I know you're feeling it too!"

"Why do you keep talking in circles!? Just come out with it already..."

Haruko slides her hand down to the crotch of his pajamas, moving in slow circles. "Didn't your parents ever give you The Talk? I mean I want you to stick it in me. Come on. Come on Naota!"

Naota lets out a hot breath, looking down at Haruko's form. Sure, he's had some feelings, but he never thought it would go this far... "Is this even legal?"

"THERE ARE NO RULES IN FANFIC, NAOTA!" Haruko shouts excitedly, roughly an inch from his ear. She stops short, as if shocked by her own words. "No rules..." She hops out of bed, gripping Naota by the wrist. "I'm thinking too small!"

Naota stumbles as he jerks her to his feet. "Eh? W-wait, does this mean we're not gonna -- or are we -- I didn't even have time to decide how I feel about this, you idiot!"

"Shut up and listen! There's no laws in fanfic! We could do it in public! We could have a threesome with your dad! We could both be infected by a horny mind control fuck virus! Ordinary sex isn't gonna cut it, not when this is our only chance! Non-canon!

Consequence-free! Come on!" She throws the bedroom door open, Naota trailing behind her as she holds an iron grip on his wrist.

"Why would we want to do any of that!? Haruko, it's still the middle of the night, we can't just -- why can't this be a fanfic about getting some sleep?"

Haruko continues out the front door, barely seeming to hear his objections. "Are there any girls you wanna do it with? We could have a foursome, or a fivesome, or a sixsome! Let's just have an orgy with you and all the characters this author personally finds cute! Mamimi for sure, that Ninamori girl is into you, right? Anyone else?"

Naota's ears are hot with embarrassment, so he, in turn, tries to ignore everything she's saying. "Shouldn't we at least get dressed? We're still in our pajamas!"

"Dressed? Dressed!? Haven't you heard a word I'm saying, Naota! If anything, we should be naked!" With a few nimble movements, she sheds her clothing, somehow without letting go of his hand. "That's one kink down already, public nudity! What do you think Naota, you into it?"

Naota finally overheats, his ears steaming. "I haven't even seen you naked before, let alone in public...f-fine, if you want this so bad, I guess I'll just see where this goes..."

Haruko turns back to face him, giving him a full frontal view of her nude body. She grabs both of his hands in hers, sparkling with excitement, while Naota tries to stay on his feet as a mere nosebleed starts to turn into legitimately worrying blood loss.

"That's what I wanna hear, Naota! A night of debaucherous pleasure awaits us! Why, this fic is gonna need fifty tags for all the shit we're gonna do!"

Unfortunately, no sooner do those words leave her mouth than the fic starts to wind toward a conclusion as the writer begins to get bored with the premise.

Haruko freezes. "...What?"

Naota blinks. "What."

"Nonono, the fic can't end! It only just started! This is going to be a fifty chapter epic, the filthiest FLCL fanfic ever written!" Haruko deflates, dropping to her knees dramatically. "Whyyyy? My no rules orgy is ruined..."

Naota awkwardly pats her on the shoulder, pointedly staring at the sky. "I'm sure there's other fanfic about us...right?"

"Ehhh? You really think I bothered to check?"

"...I'm going back to bed. Put your clothes back on."


End file.
